Seriously tho, how are you?

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Seriously tho, how are you?

posted by Angeline Suwardi

Hi friends!
How have you guys been doing?
I hope all of you are staying safe at home and still sane from everything that has been happening lately.
I don't know about you, but I have been self-isolating for two months now since mid-March and it's been a bittersweet two months. There are days where I enjoy chilling at home and managing my own working hours (I still have to work from 9 to 5, but since my job is not really a work-from-home type of job, there is not much to do, hence I get to slack sometimes); there are also days where I feel like shit and eventually broke down crying because I hate this situation and I hate how some people can be so ignorant in this awful situation.

When I first got the information that my office decided to close down for a while and asked us to work from home, I was a bit shocked because it all happens too quickly. It was on Sunday and I already prepared myself mentally to go work the next day. I am the kind of person that will get annoyed at whatever changes last minute, I just don't like the idea of change okay? I am a planner. The Monday of my first work-from-home, it was weird, I was confused on what to do because we hadn't prepared for this, I think everyone in the office might be confused as well. But we figured it out eventually, I am back on scheduling clients for the online counseling/ teletherapy.

Here's a question for you: do you enjoy working from home? Because I don't, really. I got distracted almost all the time, I would be watching youtube or Netflix, mindless scrolling through Instagram, or went off reading a book and ended up neglecting incoming messages for hours. I am bad at working from home. I realized that I am bad at setting boundaries.
There are days where I would feel super productive and would actually do my work from 9-5 without slacking (okay, maybe a bit of slacking), and there are days where I would groan whenever I hear the ding sound from my phone indicating there's an incoming new message. I could just ignore it, but I can't. I'll get anxious if I didn't check the content first, and after checking it, I will be inclined to answer it because might as well. So yeah, that is pretty much how my working from home sounds like.

To be honest, working is one of the things that's been keeping me sane during self-isolating. Without it, I'm like a lost zombie, wandering around the house mindlessly. I found myself almost always looking for a new project to keep myself busy with, for example writing a blog post, reading and writing a book review, or even experimenting in drinks (matcha, dalgona coffee, etc). I just always need something to do, I can't not do anything, or else I might be stuck in the unmotivated and unproductive mode for days. Whether or not to stay productive during pandemic has been the biggest dilemma right now. People all over the internet are talking about productivity during a pandemic. I might get on with this topic for the next post because I have a lot to say (queen of ranting right here).

Anyways, work aside, I have been burying my head on books lately. This is the first time that I've read soooo many books in 2 months (many is quite relative, but to me reading 13 books in 2 months is a lot because I usually read 1 book per month). I've been working on writing the quarantine reads post but I'm kind of stuck.

I have been enrolling in an online class (free of course) as well. Since I was not paying much attention to my Introduction to Psychology class back in uni, I decided to retake the class because why not? I've got nothing else to do anyway.
I have also been working out, well at least for the first 2 weeks I have. I tried the Chloe Ting's 2 weeks shredded abs challenge, but since I couldn't do the whole 40-minute program daily, I decided to only do the 10-minute abs workout daily lol (!please don't judge me). I am not expecting much from my own body, I just don't want to feel like a sloth every day, so I squeeze in a short workout before bed, just to feel like I at least did something productive that day.

Surprisingly though, I have not been binge-watching Netflix shows. I just am not in the mood for tv shows, despite the amount of time that I currently have. Instead of Netflix, I have been watching a lot of youtube videos lately. I've been loving sunbeamsjess' vlogs, especially her 2019's vlogtober, as well as Wearilive and CatCreature's vlogs.

I guess I'll end my rant here. Too much rant and y'all will hate me lol.
See you in my next post! xx

continue reading »

Life Update 004: Moving Back to Indonesia

Saturday, May 9, 2020

Life Update 004: Moving Back to Indonesia

posted by Angeline Suwardi

Hi friends!
I am back with another life update post because life has been full of changes lately and I just want to document these changes.

So, I am back in Indonesia!! How did that happen? For those of you who have read my previous life update post probably already know how this happened, but I'm still going to start with a little back story.

Back in 2014, I graduated from high school and moved to Taiwan to pursue my bachelor's degree. The reason why I chose Taiwan was that I wanted to get the hell out of Indonesia and since I have an aunt living in Taiwan, my parents thought, "yeah why not let her go." Just to be clear, my parents did not force me to go, it was all my own decision. I was interested in the Mandarin language and Taiwan seems to be a safer option than China considering how big China is and I've heard people saying that the citizens are rude? (Idk, that's just what I heard), so my only option was Taiwan.
To this day, I could still remember vividly the day I said goodbye to my parents at the airport and boarded the plane. While others were hugging their families and tearing, I was excited. I was excited to start a new life, make new friends, and create memorable moments in Taiwan. So I did exactly just that.
I graduated university in 4 years and stayed for another year in Taipei to work (in case you are interested in my life after uni story, you could check out my life update 002: life after uni post).
So now you are all caught up.

Last year, I made the decision to come back to Indonesia to pursue my career in a psychology-related field. Deciding on moving back to Indonesia was not an easy thing to do. I had to think long and hard, measure up the pros and cons, and focus on planning the future plans so that I do not regret moving back home. Although this decision does sound like an easy one for some people, because how hard it is to move back to the country that you were raised in right? But it's different for me. Growing up, I knew that I wanted to move out of Indonesia, I had a dream that I'm going to make a living abroad, because I was not happy in Indonesia. So, deciding on coming back home is actually a hard decision to make because deep down I knew that I would not love living in Indonesia as much as I love living in Taipei.

Despite the fact that I've prepared myself mentally for this big move, I still can't help but feel sad sometimes. There are days when I miss everything in Taiwan; I miss how cheap the bubble milk tea is, I miss how convenient it is to go anywhere, I miss the Taiwanese breakfast, I miss the safety of Taiwan's streets, and I miss my friends. I remembered breaking down into tears in my first month back. I couldn't hold it and I just cried. I cried and told my boyfriend that I hated it here, I shouldn't have moved, I should've just sucked it up and stayed in that job that I disliked back in Taipei or find a new one. But while I was saying that, I knew that wasn't true. There's no way I'm going back to that office and lived my life like a robot every single day. I knew I was saying that just because I miss Taipei so much. Whenever I broke down, my boyfriend was always there to console me, he was my pillar and my source of motivation to stay put and enjoy the Jakarta life. He too finds it hard sometimes. Unlike me, it was not his decision to come back and work in Jakarta, instead, his original plan was to stay in the UK or maybe move to Singapore. Unfortunately, his working visa was rejected and he had no choice but to come home.

I have been back for almost 7 months now (since September 2019) and I am slowly adapting. I landed a job in a month's time. Back when I was in Taipei, I thought that looking for jobs in Jakarta won't be hard, Jakarta is a big city and I'm sure there are lots of job vacancies. Boy was I wrong. It was hard alright. I spent my first month waking up only to find zero new emails from the companies that I applied to. I am not the kind of person who relies on connections to get a job, but at this point, I was growing more and more impatient every day, so I decided to message a friend who offered to help. And that is how I got my first job in Jakarta.

I am currently working in a counselling center as one of the counselor's personal assistant who happens to be the director of the counseling center as well. My job is to help her with scheduling her clients, managing workshop events, and any other administrative responsibilities. For the first time in two years, I finally am able to say that I enjoy my current job. Despite the administrative work, I sometimes get to observe how the therapists and psychologists handle their clients. Ever since I work in the counseling center, I am even more motivated to dive deeper into the psychology field. I am constantly learning and gaining new insights.

So, this is it. I am starting my new life back in Indonesia, I have a job that I like, and I am no longer in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend. This is just the beginning, and it's been going well. I hope it will only get better.

continue reading »

LIFE UPDATE 003: LEAVING TAIWAN

Friday, August 9, 2019

LIFE UPDATE 003: LEAVING TAIWAN

posted by Angeline Suwardi

Two weeks. 2 more weeks and I'm leaving Taiwan for good.

"This is the right thing to do." I tried to convince myself.

But is it? Is it really the right thing to do? This question keeps popping in my head and I try to calm myself down and remind myself that only by leaving can I really pursue the career that I want.

But I can't help thinking about everything that could go wrong by moving back to Indonesia. For example, leaving my closest friends that I have made here (although most of them are leaving too, but still, the thought of not seeing one another for a long time kind of saddens me); the traffic that I will face every damn day; the comfort of Taiwan's 7-11 and Family Mart (although Indonesia has its own convenience store, but nothing that beat how convenient Taiwan's 7-11s are); the cheap unlimited internet access (sure, Indonesia also has unlimited internet access, but it's expensive af, and the signal is not even that good. Indonesia's internet is kind of slow compares to Taiwan's); the safety of Taiwan's streets (I can walk around at midnight all alone without feeling paranoid). Although all the stuff that I mentioned above sound like stupid and irrelevant problems to some people, but it's kind of important to me. And I'm sad that I'm leaving all those comforts behind.

However, other than all those concerns, I too have a few things to be excited about to go back. It's all bitter and sweet really. There are pros and cons in everything and I believe that there are more pros to this decision that I made (hopefully).

The things that I'm most excited about is Indonesia itself. I can't wait to travel around Indonesia, to see the beautiful beaches that 'she' offers. I am also excited to start the career path that I've been wanting to pursue since I graduated from uni; going back to school (although it sounds scary too), and just work in the field that I'm passionate about.

Also, I'm excited and scared at the same time to not be in a long-distance relationship anymore. The boyfriend is moving back too and we'll be in the same city (eek). You know that feeling when you've been in a long-distance relationship for so long and then suddenly, you're living only a few kilometers away? (No? Is it just me then?) That's scary for me. I mean I'm happy for sure that we get to see each other more often, but what if we take each other for granted now that it's easier for us to meet each other? 

Anyways, if that does happen, it's a problem to solve in the future, not now.

One other thing about moving back to Indonesia is making new friends and adapting to the environment again. I know some people might ask "why is that such a problem to you? You were born and raised in Indonesia." That's true, but I'm not actually moving back to my hometown, I'm going to be living in another city (hopefully the J-town) and that means I have to start over from the beginning. I know no one in that foreign city and the people are generally just different from the people in my hometown. Although I've done this before (moving to Taiwan 5 years ago and making new friends and all) but this time feels very different from what I felt when I first moved to Taiwan for uni. All I felt when I moved to Taiwan 5 years ago is excitement. I was so excited to be away from home and meet new people; I was very excited about the new opportunities to come. But today? The fright is bigger than the excitement.

But for now, my biggest problem yet.... is moving. The process of moving.

I have been living in Taiwan for almost 5 years now and the things that I bought these past few years are not little. I did ask my parents to bring my winter essentials back home when they came to visit in May, but I still got other small-not-so-important-stuff-that-I-bought-or-received-that-I-kept-just-for-sentimental-purposes.

Moving is a nightmare. It's like packing for a holiday but bigger and more troublesome. I've been hating packing for a holiday and now I have to pack to move across the country. It's a freaking nightmare.

It's too late to back down anyways... So I just got to do what I got to do and suck it all up.

Keep convincing myself that everything will be okay and I will be happier back home.

I pray that everything goes well and that I can adapt just as well in the new city.

Cheers to a better future! xx

continue reading »

November & December Highlights

Sunday, January 6, 2019

November & December Highlights

posted by Angeline Suwardi

Yes, I do realize that it's the new year now, but I couldn't help not posting this post after the trouble I've been through by shooting these flat lay photos. So, I'm just gonna tell you what I've been doing in those last two months of 2018.

1. I started doing yoga again!

I have an on and off relationship with yoga. I started yoga when I was in junior high; my mom wanted her two daughters to learn yoga with her cause she thought it might help perfect our body shape. I then continued doing yoga until my freshmen year of senior high. I stopped because, well, school got busy. Then I started doing it again on my sophomore year of university (I think) until junior year and stopped again on senior year because got to busy earning money.
And now I'm doing yoga again just because I got bored with my routine, that is going to work-came home-eat-sleep-and repeat. So I was thinking on either enroll in a language class (was thinking either Spanish or French) or take a yoga class. I chose yoga because well.... let's admit it, I don't do sport, so I thought by taking a yoga class, it can make me feel a little more healthy.

2. I made my own postcard.

I love taking pictures, and I had tons of pictures in my archive that I don't know what to do about. So when I was thinking on what to do with all the photos that I took, my first thought was making postcards out of them, and so I did! I'm not selling them though, although selling them definitely crossed my mind, but I'm not sure how to start.

3. I finished my 2018 reading challenge right on time.

Okay, this is kind of a cheat. My first goal of the 2018 reading challenge was to read 20 books, but by November, I had only read 8 books. Knowing that I won't be able to finish it by the end of the year, I reduced it to 12 books, and luckily I got to finish reading 12 books by December! Of all those 12 books that I read, my top three would be Love's Executioner, When Breath Becomes Air, and Insomniac City.

4. I ran my first marathon!

It was only 3 km and we ran for like 15 minutes only, but still, it's my first marathon and it's a big deal for me since I dislike running so much, especially when I had to wake up super early just to run. So yeah, was kind of proud of myself by just saying 'yes' to running super early in the morning. Although I'm pretty sure this will be my first and last marathon :')

continue reading »

Life Update 002: Life after Uni

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Life Update 002: Life after Uni

posted by Angeline Suwardi

Have you ever had that feeling of gratitude that a company actually wants to hire you and you got so excited about it cause this is your first full-time job ever? Yeah, it is a great feeling huh? But then once you actually took the job, your bubble was burst. You were not as excited as the first time you heard the big news; instead, you realized that this job is not for you, and you've been struggling since the day you got in and you did everything to feel better and get you through every second of being in the office, but you never succeded.

Yep, that's how I've been feeling for the past 4 months since I got employed.

So, before we got into the whole I-feel-so-shitty-everyday-I-just-want-to-quit-my-job shebang, let me fill in the gap about what is really going on with me after graduating from uni.

I graduated with an Educational Psychology and Counseling major back in June, and I got myself a job at a local travel agency in Taipei last July! You probably wonder why I took a job that is very different to my major? Well, it's because I have this stubborn tendency to stay in Taipei for another year before going back to Indonesia just cause I like it here in Taipei. Also, the companies in Taipei pay more than companies in Indonesia. "Well then why didn't you get a job in Taipei related to Psychology instead?" That's because I can't. People who graduated from my major are expected to work in school as a school counselor, and I would love to do that too someday but I can't do it here in Taiwan because I am a foreigner. So yeah, I need to take other jobs out of my field, and I chose travel agency because I thought anything related to travel might be fun. But what did I know back then right?

After I received the mail from my current company saying that they want to hire me, I have mixed feelings about this big news. First, I am of course excited and grateful that I landed a job right after graduation, and also the fact that I can make my own money and feed myself without depending on my parents made me so proud of myself (give self a pat on the back). Then, after the excitement slowly fades away, the feeling of uncertainty creeps in; uncertain of what I actually want and like to do, uncertain that choosing to stay in Taipei for another year doing something out of my field instead of pursuing something Psychology related is the right decision. And finally, the feeling of sadness got to me. Sad that I couldn't have the privilege to enjoy seasonal breaks anymore, sad that I have to end my status as a student and enjoy the student dicounts, also sad that I only have like 2-3 weeks of freedom left before becoming a full time employee for god knows how long.

To conclude, you could safely say that there are more sadness than happiness upon hearing the news.

On the first week of starting the job, I was sad because my family and boyfriend had to go back home and I am stuck here. Also, I felt kind of homesick. (Not a great way to start your first job, huh?) But I eventually got through it. With the help of my friendly colleagues in the office, I managed to suck it up and actually enjoy my working days.... well only for a few weeks. Until about a month ago, I realized how much I dislike this job (was intending to say 'hate' but hate is a strong word and I don't want to make this job sounds so bad, so.) and I wanted nothing else but to quit and pursuing what I love most, that is Psychology. You might say "well, quit then! what are you waiting for?". I hope my situation is as easy as that, but no. I am stuck here in Taiwan until June 2019 because I had a contract for the house that I'm currently staying in. If I was to live by myself, I could easily just break the contract and pay more money to cover it up but I can't do that since I'm living with two more friends. I couldn't just dump them and go back to Indonesia or somewhere else and let the both of them paying the rent of three people, it's just unfair to them. "So I can't get out of this country until next year, what can I do to make myself feel better then?", I thought. "Why not quit your current job and find a new one?", I said to myself. "Yeah, you could do that but what about your visa? You do not have working visa yet, and your current visa expires this December. You should at least get the working visa first then bolt", I reminded myself.  Yes, that would be the perfect decision to make, but how could I do that to my team mate who wanted to quit first? He had been talking about quitting since I got in and since our team is only consists of three people, I couldn't quit knowing that he derserves it more that I am. If I quit first, then he couldn't, and it's not fair for him. So what can I do then? "Well, you could just suck it up and wait until June 2019."

There folks, that's my story of how I wanted to quit so bad but couldn't find the right time to do it. Pathetic, huh? If I were to go back in time and chose between staying in Taipei for another year or go back to Indonesia to pursue my master in Psychology, I would choose Psychology more than anything. But the sad news is that I couldn't go back in time and I am stuck in this shitty situation. I know I complain too much. People be like "she should be grateful instead that she already got a job" but I can be selfish too sometimes right? I deserve better. I deserve to make myself happy, and if by being happy I need to be selfish, then the hell to that.

I have been feeling super unmotivated lately to the point that I feel like I have no purpose in waking up anymore. Starting a new day don't excite me like it used to, and I found myself counting the days to weekends and dreads Sunday nights knowing that the next day is Monday. I just really do not enjoy the life I'm living right now. I kept scrolling through pinterest to find the motivational quotes that used to pump me up and get me going, but now, reading those quotes don't even help no more. Nevertheless, I still find the quote "Before Alice got to Wonderland, she had to fall" very intriguing as I imagined myself falling right now only to be in my own Wonderland soon. (hopefully, fingers crossed). I just need to have positive thoughts while I'm falling right? Right. Also, how accurate the quote above "growth is painful, change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong" is to my situation right now?? I've been feeling stuck for a while now and I just really want to make a change from my current situation. I did try a few stuff that people said to be helpful when you are feeling in a rut, like saying "yes" more, go meet new people, go out often, etc. But none of that helps, in fact, they give me more anxiety, especially the saying "yes" more. I tried to say "yes" more often when my colleague asked me if I wanted to hang out with them and their friends (who are strangers to me) on weekends, and making that decision was a mistake. I didn't enjoy the time I'm out with them and I just couldn't help but feel awkward. I guess I need to come out with a few of my own ways to get out of a rut.

What do you guys usually do when you feel stuck? I would really love to get a few advice from you guys. xx

continue reading »

A Weekend In My Life

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

A Weekend In My Life

posted by Angeline Suwardi

After around two years of not having a proper weekend, I finally quit my weekend part time job and decided to treat myself with a nice break on the last two days of the week for the rest of my uni days.

It was my birthday two weeks ago and I decided to go out and catch up with my sister on a sunny Saturday with a brunch. We talked about boys, uni, work, parents, and just life in general.

We had our brunch in a cafe called Hi, Ryou Cafe which is like 5 mins walk from my dorm. It is a cute little cafe with mostly organic food. The atmosphere of the cafe gives you a calm and cozy vibe, and they also sell a few zero waste products like bamboo toothbrush and wood cutlery.

          

I then went on house hunting with my other two friends. We need to move in like two weeks and we still haven't found a nice place to settle in, oh well.

After checking out the house and went home feeling disappointed (again), I end the day with a dinner sash with my seniors in uni. Since one of my senior is going back to Indonesia for good, we thought we'd have a mini farewell dinner for her.

We ate pasta, reminisce the old days and talk about our future plans. It seems like I talk about life and future plans a lot when I'm around friends. Is this what adulting feels like? Constantly worrying about the future and asking for advices from almost anyone I could bump into? 😕

That's it for my weekend. Nothing special, just a bunch of catching up sesh with different people.

See you in the next post, folks!x

continue reading »

LIFE UPDATE 001

Monday, March 19, 2018

LIFE UPDATE 001

posted by Angeline Suwardi

Hi friends! How's it going? I know I've been away from this blog for a while now, and I promise you I have reasons for my absent. Number one being the finals week. I had my finals in early January and although it only took a week, I was then got super busy with packing, moving, and working. I had to move out from my dorm for the winter break and stayed at my friend's house for almost a month before I flew to the U.K. In that one whole month of staying at my friend's house, I spent most of my time working part-time and only left with a one day break in a week. The reason that I worked like a maniac is that my money wasn't enough for the 3 weeks in the U.K. yet, so I had to earn lots of money in that one month of the break lol. I'll definitely post about my trip in the U.K. in my next post but first, I really need to edit my Jogja trip pictures from last summer and fill you guys in about it (I'm really bad at keeping up with blogging, geez.)

I did try to push myself to upload a post during my winter break but I just can't think of anything good to write here; I'm stuck. Is this what they call as a writer's block? Anyways, I have a few upcoming posts I may have in my mind right now, they are the U.k trip post, my so-outdated-summer-trip to Jogja post, and I'm thinking about posting a get to know me kind-of post (that is only if you guys are interested to get to know me).

Other than that, I'm currently trying my best to go back on track with my routines and not procrastinate for another week of my life (fingers crossed). I guess that's all I've got to say in this life update post. I'll be back soon with more interesting topics for you guys. Cheers!

continue reading »

Cake, Beer, and Laughter

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Cake, Beer, and Laughter

posted by Angeline Suwardi

Monday, 16th October is Chiw's birthday but we decided to throw her an advanced birthday celebration on Sunday. Friends from the North and South came to visit and celebrated with us. It's been a while since the last time we gathered like this, it's just nice to see half of the team here in one place and just chatting around about future plans, struggles, and reminisce our past days. We share lots of laughter that day and it makes me realize how grateful I am to have met these amazing people on my first year in Taiwan.

We ate dinner at a cute cafe called Petite Doux. The food was alright, what I like the most is the design of the cafe. It is a cafe but they design it so fancy that it looks like a mini restaurant. After blowing candles, making wishes and eating cake, we then moved on to a bar nearby. The vibe in that bar was nice and I absolutely love their songs selection! We chatted in the bar for like 45 minutes, drank beer, and then went home. That's all for a good ol' reunion.

        

continue reading »

A Very Much Needed Break

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

A Very Much Needed Break

posted by Angeline Suwardi

   

    

A very much needed break from the internship, classes, and working. 

It's Taiwan's national day (10/10) today and I thought why not have a little getaway with my friends on this fine sunny day. I started the day by waking up naturally without the alarm (I've always wanted to do this since the new semester starts), then head out to meet my friends and went to a temple-like place. It's a place for the monks to pray but it doesn't look like a temple, so I'm not sure how to label this place. We stayed there for a few hours, just casually sitting down by the lotus pond and chatting about graduation trips, future plans, and other random stuff. When we figured that it's time to fill up our stomach, we decided to go for a Korean bbq feast. 

That's basically how I spent my one day break. It was casual and simple but it was very much needed.

continue reading »