In Search of Home

They say home is where the heart is.

But how do I know where my home is when my heart doesn't know where to settle?

Is it where I grew up?

or is it where I spent my happiest teenage life?

Is it where I feel the most comfortable,

or is it a person instead of a place?

Who the hell knows.

I used to dislike the city that I grew up in.

To be honest, I still do.

I dislike the narrow-minded people,

I dislike how everybody seems to know one another, despite being the fifth most populous city in Indonesia.

I dislike how judgemental the people in this city can be,

and I dislike how rude the way the people talk sometimes.

To sum it up, there's really nothing that I like about this crowded city,

except for its food.

When I was in high school, all I could think of is how the hell do I get out of this city.

How do I stay as far away from my parents?

As far away from all those judgmental people.

And that longing of moving as far away as I can go came true.

I am now five hours away by flight from that hometown of mine.

I never miss it.

My friends cried when they left their parents and their "home",

but I walk away with a smile on my face.

"Finally, I'm out", I thought.

I had the best times in this foreign country.

Far away from my mom's nagging,

far away from the unnecessary gossips,

far away from all the people that I knew my whole life.

I was so excited to meet new people

and start a new life,

a new me.

I was living my best life.

But this foreign country doesn't feel like home to me.

I always knew that I won't be staying here forever,

but I never knew where to go next.

"You are an adult now, you need to find a home", I said to myself.

But what is home?

I never found the answer to that question until five months ago.

The month was February.

I went back to my parents' house and spent the Chinese New Year with other familiar faces.

Oddly, I felt comfortable there.

But I did not feel comfortable because of the place.

I felt comfortable because I was there with my parents and my siblings.

Then, I knew that they are my home.

I used to distance myself from my parents and siblings back when I was younger.

Now, all I want to do is to be with them,

to tell my problems to my mom,

to listen to her advice,

and my youngest sister's laughter and babbling felt like home to me.

The older I get, the more I look forward to going home and spend my time with my family.

I am slowly becoming a family person.

Is this what aging and living abroad for years do to people?

So, I found my home.

And I hope you do too, someday.

A snippet of where I grew up.

Photos were taken with my Nikon Zoom 310 AF point and shoot.