About Speaking Up

Friday, August 11, 2017

Since I was a kid (about 5 y/o), I've always been that shy girl who was afraid to get her bike back from a boy who borrowed it from her. I remember so clearly that evening when me and my younger sister were cycling around a small park near our house,  a boy came up to me and asked if he could lend my bike for a few minutes. Apparently, his "a few minutes" lasted too long that I grew out of my patience and wanted my bike back. BUT, I was afraid to get it back from him. That is how shy and stupid I was, still am now, sometimes. Then, my brave younger sister couldn't stand watching being stupid and cowardly, so she walked up to the boy and asked my bike back from him. Yep, I let my younger sister who is 2 years younger from me to get my bike back from a boy.

Sadly, that shy part of me still exists till now and sometimes I feel stupid for being so shy. Whenever I want to ask questions, I'd overthink too much and ended up not asking. I'd rethink the question in my head over and over again just to make sure that I didn't say it out wrong. You may think, "but Angeline, there is no right and wrong in a question, so why hesitate?" What I hesitated was the relevance of the question. I was too afraid that if I ask an irrelevant question, I'd be laughed at by the whole class and it terrifies me. Asking questions gives me anxiety. I'm not even kidding. My heart would beat so fast whenever I want to answer or even just to ask questions. Weird, I know. But I couldn't help it, I can't control how fast my heart should beat.

This issue that I have, I've just recently realized it and it bothers me so much. Lately, I've been challenging myself to speak up more and try to ignore that crazy heart beats and hoping that someday, the mini anxiety attack will just disappear. It's not an easy process for me. It's very hard but hey, at least I'm trying right? I envy those people who can be so carefree and just talk it out, say whatever is on their mind without having a mini heart attack.

This issue of mine does not bring any good for me. Despite asking questions, I'm also afraid to defend myself. Whenever someone says something bad about me, I'm too scared to speak up my mind and explain to them. Instead, I just stand there quietly and let them think badly of me. For someone who is too terrified to speak up her mind, I advise all of you to do otherwise. Don't just sit quietly and obey everything. Speak up and rebel. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not asking you guys to rebel like a reckless and irresponsible teenager, but to rebel and defend yourself for a good cause. When you think that you're right, speak up and tell them whatever it is that you're thinking. Say it out loud and explain to them. Don't just let those thoughts stay in your mind. I'm trying to be a better person here and if you have the same issue as me, do yourself a favor and try to speak up.

No comments:

Post a Comment

newer older Home